


Jenna the Invisible

by InvisibleAce



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Identity Issues, Jenna needs more love so here ya go, Light Angst, Post-Squip, The other relationships are kinda just in the background, also i'm kinda projecting myself onto jenna so there's that, could be read either way really, it really isn't sad i just don't know how to tag, jenna is done with the gossip, she's trying to find herself ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 15:14:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14047020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvisibleAce/pseuds/InvisibleAce
Summary: Jenna Rolan's tired of being only known for being the gossip girl of Middleborough, tired of feeling like an outsider in her own friend group. She decides to change that but doesn't really know how. Who is she without digging up dirt and gossip?





	Jenna the Invisible

**Author's Note:**

> Jenna is my girl and she needs more love and appreciation 
> 
> pls ignore any mistakes. I really just wanted to get this posted

Jenna has felt like an outsider all her life, or it felt like that anyway. To anyone else it would look like she had a good group of friends and a healthy social life but that far from the truth. No matter who she was with, she always felt like the third wheel. It seemed like her friends can’t hangout without there being a duo plus her. 

Freshman year she got good at making herself invisible. Just a fly on the wall, listening and watching to her drama filled peers. She learned things, some she had no business in knowing, about people and stored it away for later use. She became known as the schools very own gossip girl Sophomore year, after telling Brooke about something she heard about Madeline. No one knew how she got the information and when asked she would just shrug. She became respected in the ranks of the popular kids, Brooke and Chloe keeping her around just to hear the latest dirt on someone they don’t like.

Even now, late Junior year, people only spoke to her when they wanted blackmail information on someone. She was getting tired of it, only being known as the girl who likes spread gossip.

Don’t get her wrong, Jenna loves her friends. She’d do anything for them and she knows they would for her. It was just an odd grouping. The popular kids and the nerds. After whatever weird drug shit happened at The Play (as Rich has taken to calling it), they all flocked together a few weeks after. It was awkward at first, years of things to work out (bullying mostly) and a lot of apologizes but soon the tension melted and Jenna now had seven friends.

It seemed like everyone in her group of friends had a best friend out of everyone though. Which was fair, they were all best friends before the group even formed. Brooke and Chloe. Jake and Rich. Michael and Jeremy. Christine seemed to be best friends with everyone, jumping from duo to duo. She even had her theater friends to sit with at lunch and to hang out with after school.

Jenna didn’t really have anyone. It was a fact that she tried to ignore, filling the empty space with the newest drama.  _ Dustin did what? Quinn screwed who? Bobby got arrested? _ And so on and so forth. She doesn’t like how she’s just adding fuel to her image as the  Middleborough  Gossip Girl. Who would ever want to be friends with someone with that title?

She wanted to change her image but just doesn’t know  _ how _ . She just wished she had a best friend who could help her out with everything.

* * *

For the first time in years, Jenna’s phone was on silent. She put everyone (except her friends) on mute. She didn’t go digging around on anyone's Instagrams or Twitters all weekend. She deleted her Twitter last night, seeing that she followed almost all of her grade, stalking most of them. She was done with gossip and dammit she meant it.

For some reason, she was nervous walking into school Monday. It wasn’t like she made any drastic changes to her appearance, just unplugged herself from all the gossip and blackmailing. Last night she realized how invasive her digging could be, how life ruining it could be for some people. The past was a cringey thing for everyone, Jenna hated herself for ever finding enjoyment in finding embarrassing things on people, her fellow peers. It was the only thing that made people talk to her, gave her friends.

She just hopes her friends will still want her around without all the gossip.

“Jenna!” Madeline called out, falling into step with Jenna, who was heading for her locker. “I haven’t heard from you all weekend. Are you not getting my messages?”

Jenna suppressed a sigh and gave the girl a forced smile. “My mom wanted to do some family bonding this weekend. It was a no electronics zone.”

“Oh, okay,” The taller girl shrugged, believing the lie. They reached Jenna locker and she leaned on the one next to it. Jenna wished she would leave her alone. She totally forgot about how the two traded any more information Monday mornings. “Anyway, you’ll never guess what I found out this weekend! Apparently Susie and Katie got together and--!” 

Jenna slammed her locker shut, cutting Madeline off. “Madeline, I really don’t care,” Why wouldn’t she just leave her alone? They aren’t even friends, the other girl has made that very clear on various occasions. “Also, that’s public knowledge, they posted it on Facebook last week. Even if they didn’t you have no right on telling me about someone if it includes outing them in the process.”

“What’s gotten into you? Jesus I was just trying to tell you something.” Madeline said, crossing her arms and glared at Jenna. “Normally you’re all about being in other people’s business.”

“Well maybe I’m not about that anymore,” Jenna said, matching the other girls glare. “So leave me alone. I’m not interested in whatever you have to say. Not now, not ever.” 

Madeline just laughed, shaking her head and pushed herself off the lockers. “Look at you being all high and mighty. Are you sure you wanna ditch the gossip? Who are you without it?”

Jenna chose to ignore the dig, pushing past Madeline and headed for her first class. She tried not to let what Madeline get to her but honestly, the girl had a point. Jenna didn’t really know who she was without all the gossip.

She slid into her seat, getting her notebook out before letting her mind wonder. She really has no idea who she was. Gossip was what she lived and breathed for two years. Finding out people's secrets and using it against them. A knot began to form in her stomach. She was a terrible person.

* * *

By lunch Jenna was close to the verge of having a panic attack. One more jab or comment about how her change of heart was stupid and not going ‘fool anyone’ would drive her to it. Jake and Chloe haven’t said anything about it when she saw them in study hall. She’s sure all her friends know by now, seeing that she was now the hot gossip of the school. Ironic right?

_ “Oh my God, Jenna’s totally up to something. Gossip is all she does, does she really think anyone’s gonna by it?” _

_ “She thinks she’s so much better than us now because she’s ‘done with gossip’. Please. I give her a day.” _

_ “Apparently Jenna’s stopping the gossiping because she’s hiding her own secret! Madeline told me that she totally freaked on her in the hall this morning. What a freak.” _

_ “She deleted her Twitter! Is she having an identity crisis or something? Oh my God, could she be gay and trying to hide it?” _

And on it went.

She was the first one to arrive at the lunch table. She took her usual seat, put her earbuds in and buried her face in her arms. She’s over today. She just wants to go home and never leave her house again. Is it so hard to believe that someone wanted to change for the better? Apparently so.

She’ll just have to try harder to get her point across, but how? She was naturally a curious person, using that to drive her to some of her bigger digging sessions. She knows there’s going to be times where she’ll listen a little too long on someone conversation but old habits die hard right? Maybe she needed to change her image. Change her hair? Her clothes? She didn’t really know what to do. The knot tightened in her stomach.

Tapping on her shoulder snapped her out of her thoughts. She lifted her head, taking out her earbuds as Christine smiled at her from across the table. Everyone was already eating, failing at hiding their concerned looks. Great. This should be fun.

“How are you Jenna?” Christine asked with a smile.

The girl in question just shrugged. Besides the identity crisis she’s fine. She busied herself with wrapping up her headphones. She really didn’t want to get into it right now. How could she put it into words when she doesn’t even understand it herself? She ended up with a simple: “I’m good, tired.”

Christine nodded, fiddling with what looked like a script. Jenna eyed the door, wondering if she would be able to just leave without any question. She wanted to go home and figure her shit out before being confronted. She really didn’t think this through.

“Okay, I’m just gonna say it,” Chloe said after minute of silence went by. “We’ve all heard what’s been going on. What’s up?” She said, quickly adding on “And don’t lie!” when Jenna went to answer.

How does one go about answering that question? It’s simple enough but hard to answer. Her thoughts were all jumbled. How does she nicely say she has no idea what’s going on and please leave her alone? Why are her eyes stinging?  _ Oh shit do not cry you idiot! _

Jenna just shrugged again, glancing around at her friends before looking at the table. They’re her friends, she should be opening up and telling them everything that she’s thinking. They all go to her whenever they have problems but she’ll actually sit and listen and think before giving advice. She would really stop being a hypocrite and take her own advice.

“I feel off,” She finally said, her earbud wire tangled in her hands. “I don’t really know how I am. Dramatic, I know, but that’s the only way I can word it.”

The was quiet, everyone thinking before Jake spoke up. “Are you really done with the gossip and shit? ‘Cause you deleted your Twitter, that’s like your lifeline dude.”

Jenna just nodded, not knowing how to respond. She was thinking about her escape route after lunch, there’s no way she’s staying in school any longer today.

“Well, I for one am excited to see this new Jenna, whenever you find her,” Michael said, sounding genuine. Jeremy was nodding along with what he was saying. “It’s overwhelming but you’ll figure it out.”

“Thanks.” She said dumbly, sending him a quick smile before going back to stare at the table.

“Is it a gay thing?” Rich asked suddenly, Jake choking on his water before elbowing his friend in the side. Rich pushed him off, staring at Jenna intensely. “What? I heard some things! It’s totally cool y’know dude. We’ve all been there.”

Jenna laughed, actually laughed. It felt good to not think about disliking herself even just for a moment. “It’s not a gay thing Rich but that’s for the reassurance.”

It really wasn’t a gay thing. Jenna is confident in her sexuality. She’s very gay and very asexual, she’s just never told anyone except Christine, who was the same. Maybe she’ll start wearing that space ace Christine got her after she came out to her.

“Can I just ask why the sudden change?” Brooke asked around a mouthful of cookies. She swallowed before continuing. “Not that I’m against it or anything! I’m just curious. You used to love finding the newest dirt.”

Jenna sighed, shoving her earbuds into her bag. Might as well just get everything out of the way. “I realized how awful it was. Like, the past for most people is embarrassing and they wanna move past it so who am I to bring it up again? To hold it over their heads? It’s none of my business. So I deleted my folder of things, everyone’s on mute and Twitter is gone.”

Christine reached over and took Jenna’s hands into hers. She gave them a light squeeze. “I’m really proud of you, for what it’s worth.”

Jenna returned the smile, looking over at Brooke to finish answering her question. “I think I hated it for a while but I was just so used to it being who I was that I just kept going. A part of me was scared that if I stopped I wouldn’t have anything to contribute to the group anymore.”

“That’s so not true!” Jeremy almost yelled, taking everyone by surprise. “You’re so much more than all the gossip,” He stuttered a bit, his ears tinted red but he kept going. “Who else would stay up for hours listening to me rant about my life and then give actually helpful advice? Or just listen to me rant in the first place. No offence Michael.”

“None taken, I’m a shit therapist,” Michael said with shrug. “But Jer’s right. You’re like… the mom I never had.”

“You have two moms though.”

“Shut up, I’m trying to get my point across. Let me be supportive!”

“Oh my God, Jenna and Christine are the moms of the group and we’re their beautiful adopted children!” Rich added on with a laugh.

Jenna felt herself smiling at Jeremy’s little speech and at her friends antics. Christine was still holding her hands on the table, not that she really cared, she actually kind of liked it. It was comforting and Christine didn’t seem to planning on letting go anytime soon.

Jenna found that she didn’t want her to.

* * *

Jenna stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom, hair in the sink and a hair clipper in hand.

It’s been a week since she turned over a new leaf. Her friends were always texting her, either sharing a stupid meme or just checking in. She found herself smiling like an idiot all the time, a bubbly happy feeling in her chest.

She still felt a little off, not really being able to pinpoint it. After night after night of staring at herself in the mirror, she put her hair in a ponytail and cut it off hastily. She stood in shock for a moment, scissors in one hand and her ponytail in the other before smiling, feeling more like herself than she had for the past year. Christine had come over later than day and was very supportive about the new hair style. She help Jenna clean it up a bit, seeing that the ends were kind of uneven and that was that. 

Christine’s been hanging out with Jenna a lot more since coming clean about changing for the better. They would practice Christine’s lines together, watch something on Netflix or just talk about everything and nothing. Jenna felt like she actually had her own best friend. A best friend who liked her hold her hand and cuddle a lot, but she wasn’t complaining.

“I love it,” Christine appeared in the doorway of the bathroom, smiling fondly at Jenna. Jenna forgot that she was coming over today. “You look great.”

Jenna looked back at herself in the mirror, reaching up to feel it. It was really fuzzy, the bubbly feeling returned in her chest. Christine walked over, reaching up and rubbing her head with a goofy smile.

“You know everyone’s just gonna want to touch your head now, you realize that?” Christine asked.

Jenna just shrugged. “I’ll just wear a hat. I can rock a hat.”

“Indeed you can, you got the face for it,” Christine’s hands moved to cup Jenna’s face, a shy smile on her face. Jenna wasn’t really sure what was happening between her and Christine. She really wishes she could call her her girlfriend and hold her hand in public and take her dates. If she wasn’t reading this wrong, Christine felt the same way. “Do you wanna go send a picture to the group and watch them all freak out?”

Jenna grinned, following Christine back to her room. She quickly changed her shirt while Christine played on her phone, putting her the space ace shirt with a small smile. It grew when she turned back around to the other girl, who was grinning too.

“You’re wearing it!” She said happily, getting up from the bed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I should’ve worn mine, we could’ve matched.”

Jenna, feeling bold, linked her hand with the one that rested on her shoulder. Christine blushed but didn’t remove her arm. Jenna saw that as a win. “Next time we all hang out we can match. Everyone will be jealous that they don’t have matching shirts.”

“We’ll be the ultimate power couple.” Christine said with a laugh.

“Couple?” Jenna stuttered over the word, blurting it out before thinking. She could feel her face heating up. Christine froze but didn’t move her arm still.

“I, um, y-yeah? Is that okay? I-I’m sorry, I just figured with all the cuddles and hand holding it was obvious about how I felt. I can, um, leave if you want. I’m sorry.” Christine was stuttering and stammering so much it put Jeremy to shame. Jenna tightened her hold on the others girls hand when she felt her arm leaving her shoulders.

“No! No, it’s okay,” Jenna said quickly. “Couple sounds really great, actually.”

Christine frozen again, looking at her with hopeful eyes. “Really?”

Jenna grinned. “Really really.”

“Okay. Okay, awesome,” Christine smiled, pulling Jenna closer so their sides were pressed together. Jenna’s arm wrapped around Christine’s waist. “Ready to take the picture and tell our friends we’re dating?”

Jenna smiled. “Of course.”

Christine raised her phone to take the selfie. An easy smile creeped onto Jenna’s face as Christine went to take the picture, but at the very last minute, Jenna felt a pair of lips pressed against her cheek. The bubbly feeling was multiplying by the second.

The two girls looked at the picture, cooing at how cute each other looked before Christine sent it to the group. Jenna’s face a scrunched up but smiling as Christine kissed her cheek, smiling.

**Christine (4:23pm)**

**Look at the new Jenna Rolan, girlfriend and gossip free ;)**

**_[imagine attached]_ **

**Chloe (4:23pm)**

**Gf!!?? Omg congrats! Love the haiirrr**

**Brooke (4:23pm)**

**!!!!!!!! yay <3 !!!!!!! **

**Rich (4:25pm)**

**SO IT WAS A GAY THING NICE**

Jenna laughed, grinning like an idiot as her friends responded to the picture. The bubbly feeling in her chest seemed like it just decided to make a home there. For the first time in months she felt like herself. Jenna didn’t feel invisible and it was feeling she could get used to.


End file.
